Monday, December 21, 2009

At This Stage...

At this stage I can't sleep before 5am, it's usually 6 or 7 but 5 seems like a reasonable enough average. Right now I'm in Clique sitting up on Stevie's laptop uploading an Overhead, The Albatross song.

I'm really happy playing the music that we're playing now. It's instrumental mostly and somehow it feel a lot more meaningful than anything else I've ever been a part of, probably because I'm involved in the writing process and I'm able to contribute insofar as I can help the song take shape, this has never happened for me before.

I really haven't gotten excited over Christmas being around the corner, I'm not normally this Scroogy but I'm just keeping my head low waiting for the year to end. I reckon one or two more things can manage to go wrong before the new year. Ah well, I can't help these things it seems.

It was brought to my attention yesterday (maybe the day before yesterday?) that literally, the worst thing that could have happened in my mind has indeed happened or been happening. People have been walking on eggshells around me, tiptoing around the fact. No, I'm not going to publically air what grieves me because it makes no difference to anybody else. You're not going to read this anyway so who gives a fuck.

I really haven't slept much, I don't want to sleep, I fucking hate nightmares. I should be past this.

Anyway, it looks like I'm going to be losing a lot of my friends by the actions of others, well, no. That's not fair, this is all my doing in the first place but FUCK ME I hugely overestimated the value one person in particular put on our friendship.

There's nothing I can do about it. I would still literally do anything for these people and I'm a fucking idiot for being that way.

YOU ARE THE FUCKING REASON I SPENT EXTRA TIME IN HOSPITAL ON EXTRA FUCKING MEDICATION, ALL TO BE PROVEN RIGHT IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!?! FUCK YOU.

I shouldn't publish that, probably. I was on such a good (not bad) buzz this week. It's ok though because I'm done complaining to people who knew this was happening in the first place. Man I feel like a fucking idiot writing all of this, I literally don't care though. Why the fuck should I?

I am going to lose so many friends who clearly will be spending more time in your company. Yeah, I ran away, yeah all of that.

The funny thing is I expected this and I'm still in a fucking heap over it.

I love the both of you.


HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.

No comments:

Post a Comment