I've been here four weeks and two days today, the First of October.
Today was a real drag. I feel low. I can't explain it. I know how to pull myself up but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Today in particular the pain is almost unbearable. I can't shake it.
I know now what regret really is.
I know what pain I have put upon people.
I know now, being a better person that I was a month ago, how shit a person I've been.
I can't help wanting to do damage.
I feel like a time bomb tonight.
I want to take out some kind of deep brewing rage on something.
I feel more capable of doing that now.
I've been using my time wisely.
I've been using my energy efficiently.
I can't shake this.
There is something hidden here, an uncertain indefinable horror.
Why the fuck is this not working. I was doing so well.
Blind faith is working but it's only getting me so far.
I really feel destructive tonight. I need to see somebody before I do any damage.
I'm starting to shake again.