Thursday, December 3, 2009

.....eh

This is something I found when I was going through my hospital stuff. Not lyrics, I don't remember writing this but I can imagine what kind of state I was in when I did.

I've been here four weeks and two days today, the First of October.


Today was a real drag. I feel low. I can't explain it. I know how to pull myself up but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Today in particular the pain is almost unbearable. I can't shake it.


I know now what regret really is.

I know what pain I have put upon people.

I know now, being a better person that I was a month ago, how shit a person I've been.

I can't help wanting to do damage.

I feel like a time bomb tonight.

I want to take out some kind of deep brewing rage on something.

I feel more capable of doing that now.

I've been using my time wisely.

I've been using my energy efficiently.

I can't shake this.

There is something hidden here, an uncertain indefinable horror.

Why the fuck is this not working. I was doing so well.

Blind faith is working but it's only getting me so far.

I really feel destructive tonight. I need to see somebody before I do any damage.


I'm starting to shake again.

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